Authors Passage — Common Mistakes and How to Fix ThemAn “authors passage” — a short excerpt within a larger work — is more than a fragment. It’s a concentrated opportunity to reveal character, advance plot, establish voice, or demonstrate craft. When well-executed, a passage can hook readers, convey the novel’s tone, or be the kernel that editors and agents remember. But many writers trip over recurring pitfalls that weaken their passages. This article identifies the most common mistakes writers make with authors passages and gives concrete fixes you can apply immediately.
1. Mistake: Overloading the Passage with Backstory
Why it happens
- Writers often feel pressure to explain characters’ histories and motivations upfront. A passage can seem like the right place to compress years of context, especially if the passage is meant to introduce a character or situation.
Why it fails
- Heavy-handed backstory slows the passage’s momentum and buries present action under explanation. Readers remember scenes, not exposition, and too much backstory prevents immediate emotional engagement.
How to fix it
- Use the “show, don’t tell” principle: reveal history through behavior, choice of words, or sensory details. Keep backstory relevant and minimal. Ask: does the reader need this now, or can it come later?
- Try a surgical edit: reduce any explanatory paragraph by half, then cut another third. If the remaining detail doesn’t change the reader’s understanding of the present moment, remove it.
- Replace expository sentences with micro-actions that imply history (a scar, a lingering gesture, a nickname used by another character).
Example
- Before: “He had been a soldier for ten years and had seen horrors that made him wary of crowds.”
- After: “He lingered at the doorway until the crowded cafe blurred into a mass of targets he could no longer focus on.”
2. Mistake: Weak or Generic Opening Lines
Why it happens
- It’s tempting to open with a bland setup that feels safe: weather, routine actions, or clichés. Writers may avoid risk, resulting in forgettable openings.
Why it fails
- First lines must promise something—tension, mystery, voice. Generic openings lack specificity and don’t compel a reader to continue.
How to fix it
- Start with conflict, a striking image, or a strong voice. Aim for specificity: concrete detail that implies stakes.
- Test openings by writing several alternatives and choosing the one that prompts the most immediate question or emotional reaction.
- Read opening lines of memorable passages and mimic their attention-grabbing mechanics (contrast, surprise, voice).
Example
- Before: “It was a cold morning when Sarah left the house.”
- After: “Sarah left the house with a shoebox and a lie she’d been rehearsing for two months.”
3. Mistake: Telling Rather Than Showing Character Emotions
Why it happens
- It’s faster to label feelings than to dramatize them. In the pressure to move a passage along, writers sometimes opt for direct statements of emotion.
Why it fails
- Explicitly naming emotions distances readers. Showing internal states through sensory detail, actions, and dialogue creates empathy and immersion.
How to fix it
- Replace emotion-labeling verbs with physical reactions and sensory impressions. Use dialogue and subtext to reveal feelings.
- Use internal thought sparingly and vividly. Instead of “She was angry,” try a physical cue or an action that communicates anger without naming it.
Example
- Before: “He was nervous about meeting his in-laws.”
- After: “His hands found the hem of his jacket and wouldn’t stop twisting.”
4. Mistake: Unclear Point of View (POV) or Shifts Within the Passage
Why it happens
- In a bid to include multiple perspectives or omniscient narration, writers sometimes blur their POV, switching person, tense, or focalization mid-passage.
Why it fails
- POV shifts can confuse readers, break immersion, and undermine trust in the narrator. Consistency in viewpoint is crucial for clarity.
How to fix it
- Choose a POV and stick with it for the entire passage. If you must shift, make breaks explicit (section breaks, chapter breaks) and signal the new perspective clearly.
- Check for subtle slips: head-hopping into a character’s private thoughts when the narrator should not know them, or switching from past to present without reason.
Example
- Before: Third-person limited narrator describing what only the protagonist knows, then suddenly revealing another character’s thoughts.
- After: Keep the passage in the protagonist’s head or move to an omniscient frame with a clear structural cue.
5. Mistake: Excessive Adverbs and Adjectives
Why it happens
- Writers often use adverbs and adjectives to “intensify” prose or to cover weak verbs and nouns.
Why it fails
- Over-modification can slow pacing, sound amateurish, and dilute imagery. Strong nouns and verbs usually convey more precisely and vividly.
How to fix it
- Hunt for adverbs and adjectives during revision. Replace weak verb + adverb combos with a stronger verb. Prefer concrete nouns.
- Use adverbs sparingly for voice or rhythm, not habitually.
Example
- Before: “She walked very slowly across the room.”
- After: “She inched across the room.”
6. Mistake: Dialogue That Doesn’t Sound Real or Serve Purpose
Why it happens
- Writers may over-explain through dialogue or write lines that do not distinguish characters’ voices.
Why it fails
- Unrealistic or purposeless dialogue stalls the passage and fails to reveal character or advance the situation.
How to fix it
- Each line of dialogue should do at least one of: reveal character, advance plot, or complicate the scene. Cut small talk unless it serves subtext.
- Read dialogue aloud. If every character sounds the same, give them unique rhythms, slang, or sentence lengths.
- Use beats (actions between lines) to break up dialogue and show physical/emotional reaction.
Example
- Before: “I’m fine,” she said, “I just don’t want to talk.”
- After: She shoved the spoon into the bowl and stared at the steam. “Not tonight.”
7. Mistake: Weak Scene Purpose or Low Stakes
Why it happens
- Passages can become filler—pleasant but irrelevant descriptions that don’t push the story forward.
Why it fails
- Readers expect scenes to have purpose: to reveal, change, or complicate. A passage that doesn’t alter character knowledge, motive, or circumstance feels inert.
How to fix it
- Define the passage’s function: What changes by the end? What question does it answer or raise? If you can’t answer, tighten or cut.
- Increase stakes, even subtly. Stakes don’t have to be life-or-death—reputational risk, lost time, or an unspoken secret suffice.
Example
- Before: A long descriptive paragraph of a town square with no tie to plot.
- After: Same description, but anchor a character’s memory or a crucial clue in the description that later matters.
8. Mistake: Repetitive or Predictable Sentence Rhythm
Why it happens
- Habitual sentence patterns make prose monotonous. Long sentences strung together or short choppy sentences in succession can both tire readers.
Why it fails
- Readers notice rhythm; variety keeps attention and emphasizes key lines.
How to fix it
- Vary sentence length and structure. Use short sentences for punches and long sentences for descriptive flow. Read aloud to spot monotony.
- Use punctuation strategically: em dashes, colons, and commas can shape rhythm.
Example
- Before: “He walked to the door. He opened it. He stepped out.”
- After: “He opened the door and hesitated — then stepped into the cold.”
9. Mistake: Overuse of Clichés and Stock Phrases
Why it happens
- Clichés are easy shortcuts for description and feeling. They feel familiar and safe.
Why it fails
- Clichés signal a lack of fresh observation and can disengage readers.
How to fix it
- Replace clichés with fresh, specific images tied to your characters’ world. Ask: how would this character describe it?
- Keep a “cliché list” during revision and eliminate or rework flagged lines.
Example
- Before: “Her heart sank.”
- After: “Her chest went cold and the cup fell from her hand.”
10. Mistake: Weak Transitions Between Passages
Why it happens
- Writers treat passages as isolated units and forget to link them smoothly within the larger narrative.
Why it fails
- Abrupt transitions jar readers or create confusion about time, place, or motivation.
How to fix it
- Use connective details (sensory continuity, an image, or a line of dialogue) to bridge passages.
- Ensure temporal markers are clear if time jumps, and make setting shifts explicit through detail.
Example
- Before: Passage ends in one city; next begins in a different country with no cue.
- After: End with the protagonist glancing at a train schedule; open the next with the hum of a border crossing.
Quick Revision Checklist for Any Authors Passage
- Does the opening line raise a question or create tension?
- Is backstory minimal and relevant?
- Are emotions shown through action/sense rather than labeled?
- Is POV consistent?
- Are verbs strong and adverbs limited?
- Does dialogue reveal or advance?
- Does the passage change something (information, motive, stakes)?
- Is sentence rhythm varied?
- Are clichés avoided?
- Do transitions connect this passage to the surrounding text?
Final thoughts
A strong authors passage is a precise tool: economical, vivid, and purposeful. Revision is where most improvements happen. Treat each passage like a scene—give it a role, strip the nonessential, and sharpen sensory detail and conflict. Over time, practicing these fixes will make your passages tighter and more memorable, turning small excerpts into powerful moments that propel your readers forward.
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